I can feel it

I'm swimming in the pool we used to have in Cape May. It's late in the day, so the pool is shaded by the house. I feel so vivid and blue and I can feel the water seep into me and I'm swimming swiftly with precision.

Later, I'm in a little four roomed house that is Frank's around the corner from my Nonna's home. He's having a party there and it must be really late now, it's so late, the sun is coming up and it's almost morning and there's a cool white light illuminating everything. There are people sitting on the floor of this little house laughing and drunk and all over are glasses and vessels filled with liquids of different colors and consistencies. His friend Joey is there.

I leave and I find Shane Farrell in the empty streets. He's in Cape May with his family and wants to meet up with me. He's hitting on me but I'm not responding. He keeps asking me questions as we walk down the middle of the quiet road and sleepy houses.

(1574) Nonno

I was out when someone had informed me of my Nonno's second funeral. I was at an event, where the carpets are cheap, the walls are off-white and the florescent lights buzz and everything holds no emotion or sympathy for me. The plastic foldout tables with fake plastic wood, the useless wasted xeroxed papers on top. Colin had a room there. The room was dark, he had just awakened. It was wasn't welcoming. I followed a giant bubble out to the room with the buzzing florescent lights. I left out a door to a wooden porch leading to the Cape May Beach, the sun setting, beaming through blue and grey clouds.

It's too late to apologize. It's toooo laaaaate. (yeah yeah)

I was in Cape May running from my mama and Frank- not sure why. It was a little after dusk and I found myself in Christine Sand's house where I was looking at my phone where I found a missed call from Chris. I paced in the bedroom listening to the voicemail he sent me. I couldn't understand any of it until I began to hear the One Republic song "Apologize". I was trying to figure out if that song had any deeper meaning Chris was trying to say to me. I wondered what Jacob would have thought if we broke up.